Dandie Dinmots
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Hello! How are you today?

There's nothing the matter with me

I'm as healthy as can be

I have an ache in both my knees

and when I talk it's with a wheeze

My heart is weak, my blood is thin

but I'm pretty good for the shape I'm in.

Sleep alludes me night after night

but in the morning I'm alright,

My back is aching, my shoulder's sore,

I can't open the bathroom door,

My memory's failing, my hair is thin

that's not bad for the shape I'm in.

My face is lined, I've got baggy eyes

I eat too much, oh, what a size,

I've constipation, a runny nose

I've outgrown every stitch of clothes,

But it's better to say, I'm fine, and grin,

than let folks know the shape I'm in.

I cannot see without my specs,

I send my teeth for dental checks,

My battery's gone on my hearing aid,

my sense of smell has begun to fade.

I'll battle on I'm bound to win

for I'm pretty good for the shape I'm in.

I found some corns growing on my toes,

my nose is red, some say it glows.

My feet are flat, my back is bent,

my get up and go, has got up and went.

I'm far too old to live in sin,

yet I feel quite active for the shape I'm in.

I used to run up to the store,

I'm not into running anymore

Instead I wheeze as I climb the stairs,

I'm like a tortoise amongst the hares.

I prefer it quiet, I hate a din

it's the way things are, the shape I'm in.

So when you ask, "Are you all right?"

I don't reply "I've been up all night!"

It's a rhetorical question from long ago

people ask, they don't want to know.

Why do they do it, both kith and kin

when they can see the shape I'm in.

So if you see me on the street,

shuffling along on two flat feet

Just nod your head, or wave your hand,

slip me a wink, that will be grand.

For my repartee is growing thin,

especially for the shape I'm in.

Now, if you can spare the time to talk,

or join me in my shuffling walk,

Or visit me for a cup of tea,

I'll sharpen up my repartee.

Perhaps you could help me cart out my bin,

now you know the shape I'm in,

But don't give me as a throw away,

"Hello, how are you today?"

It's company I'm looking for,

a friendly knock on my front door,

Come share a whisky or a glass of gin,

that's all I look for, the shape I'm in.

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Copyright 2005 David Burt , all rights reserved